Adoption do's and don'ts

Just a refresher course for people about adoption and what it means to be a family formed through adoption. I copied much of this from our friends blog. Thanks Randy and Jules! Well said!

• Please don't ask/say:How much does it cost?
  Please don’t ask this unless you’re truly interested in adopting
  It makes us feel like you’re asking the price of something as trivial as a new sweater – the adoption process isn’t trivial and neither our our children.
• Why not adopt from the US (or some other country)?
  We’ve already chosen to adopt from Ethiopia and are thrilled with our decision.
  Asking this question implies you’re not OK with our decision. This is the decision God has led us to.
• Don't you want your "own" children?: Our adopted children are our own children.
• Adopting is right for our family. Don’t make comments saying how “lucky” our children are or about us “rescue” them.
  We adopted because we wanted to PARENT children – NOT rescue them.
  We are the “lucky” ones -- we get to parent these beautiful children!
• Don’t use terms such as “real mother” or “children of your own” Use terms that affirm the value of both our children's birth parents and us.
  I am their real mother
  They are my own children
• Please don’t ask why birth parents “gave up” our children, and don’t speak disparagingly of the birth parents with comments such as “I just can’t imagine how anyone could give up a child.”: None of us own our children, they are not commodities to be given away. Adoption plans are made for their lives.
• Never use the term “give up” when it comes to adoption – children aren’t “given up.” An adoption plan is made for them.
• Our children’s birth parents are an important part of who they are, and we are doing our best to foster love and respect for them. Please remember this is not our information to share – it is our children’s personal, private information and they can share it if/when they choose.

Please DO say/ask:

• Do ask questions about the adoption process, expectations and fears.
• Do feel comfortable about expressing your own fears and concerns, but realize that adoption is a very personal decision – maybe not one you would have made for yourself but one we have come to after much research, deliberation and soul-searching.
• Do embrace the differences each of our children bring to our family.
• Do speak positively about our children’s culture/heritage.
• Do treat us the same way you’d treat people who have boilogical children. We love our kids just as much as peole who have biological kids, and experience all the same joys and frustrations.

Thank you all for the wonderful support you always give us! We know this is information you all know well. - Please share it with your friends!