Things you could say

So I decided that just writing what not to say sounds pretty negative, which I don't want to be. It's great when people truly want to know answers because they are maybe interested in adoption, want to know how to care for people with disabilities, or want to know how to help. It's the rude and nosey questions and comments that are disturbing. So, I thought I'd write some kind ways (in my opinion) of asking questions.
• Where was your child born?

• When did your child join your family?

• Do you mind talking about what led you to choose adoption to build your family?
• Would you like some help? (But please, if you ask this and the answer is "No, I'm okay thanks" - PLEASE don't insist on helping, saying "I know you need help." Sometimes I do need help, but if I say I don't, I really don't.)
• I've been thinking of adopting, do you mind sharing with me what fees are involved? (In my opinion, this question is appropriate if you truly would like to know because you are seriously considering adoption as an option. However, if your intention is just to know what we paid for our adoption fees, just don't ask. We don't ask you what your hospital fees were, do we?)
• Why did his birth family make an adoption plan? (I put this here for a more appropriate way to ask, if you really feel the need to ask this.   Just be aware that child's birth history is their private information, and many parents choose not to tell. We try to keep our kids' birth family information private, because it is THEIR information to share, or not share, as they choose.)
• God had greatly blessed you.  (This would be great to hear, rather than "Boy, you sure have your hands full!)
• Does your child have a disability that could effect how I interact with her? (Please, don't ask "what's wrong with her?")